Maybe it's because I finished listening to Bittersweet over the weekend, but it's kindof the way my heart is feeling things lately. The sweet certainly outweighs the bitter, but my very slightly sprained ankle reminds me (somewhat constantly) that life, just like this past weekend, brings good & bad. Gabe is in the last 3 weeks of his semester, which is also the last 3 weeks of the nursing program. I'l be honest & say that the last 15-ish months haven't been the most fun ever, what with Gabe studying away the better part of every weekend, in addition to the afternoon/evening of most weeknights, too, after coming home from class and eating lunch. I know- he's the one doing the studying, not me, but I'm the one that misses him. I'm also the one that kisses him when he come home.
He & I do life together. Simple trips to Target become a mini date if one of us needs body wash, or we need a new printer cartridge at 9 pm. We like to be together, & so we usually are, unless we're not. I try to get in grocery shopping and errands during the day so that when he does get home, it's all us time. Sadly, I don't often get in cooking dinner, because I can think of 734 other things during the day that I'd rather be doing. I am human, after all.
Gabe loves to grill, and I'm now at the point in this pregnancy that I am almost always hungry, so we've eaten many burgers, a good amount of delicious fajitas, a few steaks, and Gabe has had many brats, once he was astonished that he indeed, could grow tired of hamburgers, unlike his pregnant, red meat-loving wife. I personally love when we grill (Do you like how I've added myself into that equation though my only participation is the shopping and consuming of the grilled food?) because the chickens are running around the yard, or more likely, they're lounging under the grill (they're not the smartest animals ever, for sure!), Gabe is going in & out of the house, I'm sitting in a chair on the patio, and I have zero guilt over paying for dinner out. It's just a lovely time and I know I'm fortunate.
Gabe began his preceptorship program over the weekend, and this means not only is there more time without him, it also means rearranging sleep schedules which has led me to wonder what type of job he'll get in the coming months, and what that will look like once this baby is born and ohmygosh what if when we have a newborn, he's working overnights and is it even possible to survive those things? I know it is, and we will, even if it means I'm alone with a baby overnight, and once we get through it we'll be better and stronger and definitely more tired than we ever imagined. What's that quote? I can do hard things...? Yes, even when it feels I can't, I will, and it will still be good.
Hard and good, I'm learning, are not separate from each other in most cases. Usually, if food tastes good, it's because someone took the time to prepare it. Mac & cheese from a box, to me, is the opposite of good. Now watermelon, it doesn't quite fit this equation as washing and cutting a watermelon is the easiest way to get to good food, so try & forget about it for a minute. Beautiful photos are rarely taken by someone that's never used a camera before. It generally takes skills that are grown through practice and education.
So this idea of bittersweet, it's a constant theme in my head. Bitter & sweet, hard & good, perseverance & following through, death & rebirth- things not always as they seem. It's likely this is somewhat wordy and hard to follow, but that's my head for you. It's good to just write & get things out.