I’m going to go out on a limb here and write about something that’s personal and has made me nervous to write much about before, but I honestly don’t think that playing things safe is always the best option for us. It’s something I’ve felt myself, in the past and currently, and I just wonder if there’s anyone else out there that is dealing with these same emotions.
I’m a thirty year old woman that has been married for almost 6 and a half years and still has no children, despite the fact that I want them very much. Now, I am aware I’m not the only childless woman, and I know that there are so many different reasons why some of you don’t have children. Or, maybe you all do. I don’t know. Maybe I’m the only one without, but I doubt that. ;) I want to make it clear that we are not struggling with infertility as far as we know. Like I said, we all have our reasons, and I have felt like a fraud at times in my sadness knowing that I don’t even know if I am able to get pregnant because we’ve not tried. (I meant it when I said this is personal, and is very, very difficult for me to be open about, but sometimes you have to do what you’re scared of, you know?) But I don’t want to believe that- that I’m a fraud and my feelings aren’t legitimate, nor do I want to minimize those of someone that really is unable to carry a child and wants that one things more than all the others. The thing I want most to communicate is this: I can’t possibly be the only person who feels left out of this community of women, married or single, that desires to be a mother and is not, but feels like less of a woman. It might be lies that you tell your self, or the fact that women with children make you feel as though you’re less. It could be the constant question from well-meaning (or not!) friends, family, and strangers even of, “When are you going to get pregnant?” It might just be a combination of all of these things, and most likely, it is.
Today, this is for you. I want to hear from you and tell you that you’re not alone, that your close friends may not even know the things they say (or don’t say) that hurt you. Just say hi- and let’s be there for each other.
*linking up with Heather of The EO & just write.