It’s funny how often the things that bother me in others are so obvious and worse in myself. I preach grace, grace, grace, like it’s my mantra and only known word, but am constantly in need of so much. You see, I often have a great filter over my mouth and only my husband truly knows how poisonous my heart is and how great of a filter I have. He’s the one that knows me & has shown me that he’ll love me regardless and so I abuse that and am so open with him that I sometimes regret, except that he loves me still so I don’t. That is a great treasure, friends, and though I temporarily take it for granted, it is not lost on me.
This is the year that I’ve tried to get into politics and decide in my heart what it really is that I want to cast my vote for, but can I say that my heart is not in it? I try to educate myself and understand, and make the best choices with how I interpret the scripture and it’s hard because this world we’re occupying is not a perfect one, nor is it a place of black and white- so much more grey than anything else and also? The hate & arguments that politics and people hiding behind their facebook walls bring are so awful that I want to quit it all and just do good. I know that’s not the world we’re in, and so it doesn’t work that way, but wouldn’t that be nice?
This move tried and almost won over me, but it didn’t & I’m still here and I even brought made at home coffee to work which means I had a maker, cream, mug, and coffee all at the same time and I can finally see a glint of light far off into that looooong tunnel. My shoulders ache with less tension this morning as what I’ve had in weeks- success.
My friend Carla told me last week to be compassionate- on myself. I think she was brilliant. Moving isn’t easy and I, being an expert on the matter, believe it is a form of suffering, even if it’s not the worst form, which it is far from, I know. So, I’m getting a pedicure on my special day off next week and I’m buying ingredients for this soup and making it and just being quiet for a few days.